This post is dedicated to all my very dear friends for being in my life and making the ride absolutely worthwhile. And to all my ex-friends for the show-and-tell bumps and twists which helped me value true friends so much more.
There is a saying that goes – Do not burn bridges behind you. But somehow I haven’t been always able to adhere to it. I can be quite unforgiving about the lies and betrayals “friends” have done to me. I give them second chances, and a third. But when I am repeatedly being lied to and betrayed again and again, that is the time I have to decide – to let go.
Yes it is hard… Hard, when situations like these come up… when the person you trusted with a secret goes around spreading it, a person with whom you shared you biggest fear makes fun of you for it, when that person simply cleans up the corner of the heart where you thought they lived, without thinking about your feelings, who did not think of confronting/questioning you before going to a third person and talking behind your back… who accuses you of things you couldn’t imagine doing even in your dreams… who behaves like one person with you and becomes another person behind your back…who take you so much for granted, who take the liberty to talk rubbish about your family… ah, the list can go on. Yes, it is hard. I have had my share of all these personalities as my “friends”. And with time I have bid goodbye to them. At times I have been left so heartbroken. I cannot forgive them (at least not at that moment), I cannot forget them. I just let time take its course. With time, I lose all feelings towards these people. I neither hate them, nor do I respect them. I do not have any opinion about them. My heart cannot love them, my mind cannot trust them. And I never want to see them again. I do not regret my choices because I know I have given them chances- I have trusted them with my heart and soul when we were “friends”. I have kept their secrets with me, I haven’t made fun of their fears and I haven’t pretended. In my heart I know, that I have given every chance to keep the friendship but sometimes it is better to lose one and keep peace with self than to keep the friend and have hard feelings about them. Because it is very hard for me to pretend that everything’s all right when nothing is. I believe in traveling light and at times I have to cut the fat and trim my feathers.
And yet I know of people for whom all the betrayals mean nothing…. It is this type of people I do not understand. Of course, what they do in their lives is none of my business but I am just wondering… Is there really such a thing as a win-win relationship? Some people betray you, treat you badly and yet you have these people around you, especially when you have the chance to not have them in your life? These people are still friends so to say, they are in your facebook friends list, your email and on your phone. Your graduation photos are shared with them, so does your wedding invite and baby pictures. You behave like everything’s fine. But still talk ill about them behind their back? You keep tabs on their life, what they do/don’t and give your opinion for every action of theirs. Isn’t it better to let them be and get on with your life rather than dwell on their life and talk again and again and again about how badly they treated you? We all talk things repeatedly until we get over it but these people never get over the things and by being in their lives still they only add to the negative things to talk about. Is it the fear of confrontations? Is it really about “do not burn your bridges; you never know when you will need to cross it again”? I also wonder, is there really such thing as a forgive-and-forget? Can one really, from the heart, forgive someone and move on with life as if nothing happened? Can one really stand up for such a person and fight for him/her. I know I cannot.
Friendship, to me, is more than sharing a meal together. It goes a lot deeper than watching a movie together. It’s about being comfortable in my own skin in front of them and vice versa; to let myself be vulnerable and know that they won’t take advantage of me. To let them see my worst side and still not judge me. And the same holds for me too about my friends. I do not expect anything from my friends except that they do not lie/betray me. I guess I am different from others in a way that I do not remember which college my friend went to, which god he/she prays to, which language he/she speaks and I do not even notice if they are wearing the same clothes as yesterday until someone else does. The new clothes/footwear/jewelry/gadget, the new nail color…I barely notice these things. Heck, I don’t even remember birthdays and anniversaries. Does all that make me a bad friend?
I trust my friends to tell me when they need me, because these days all of us are not able to meet as often as we would like to. When I need them, I have reached out to them as well. When we meet, we discuss all the insane things we did together, throw comments on people we know or do not know, we can barely stop talking and we keep jumping from one story to another, one topic to another. We talk so much its like we have met after eons whereas we would only have been apart for like an hour. Or we might actually be meeting after eons and the conversation flows like we just left it halfway an hour back. And sometimes, silence is enough to say everything we want to say. I would fight the world for such a friend. I am quite protective about all my friends, after all we have pieces of each others’ hearts inside of us. That is why I take my time too, to make friends. I can’t be friends to everyone because I am very particular about whom I call a “friend” and when I do so, nothing can shake my faith about them but them alone. Over the years there have been umpteen breakups in my life but the ones that are still with me and the new ones that will come, you nuts and crack pots have all made it worth my life. I do not want to take any names but I hope you understand that I am talking about “you”. You know it and I do not need to tell these things to you but still… I want you to know that I’m here for you, like I have always been. And life’s amazing with you in it 🙂