Some may call it a sign of weakness and some, a sign of cowardice. A few others may call it a weapon or yet others, a show of drama. My views differ from every one of them. When someone laughs in public people rarely label such people with the terms above. Why, then, should those who shed a few tears be called anything? Of course those who laugh for no reason are labeled mad in this already mad world. But isn’t it an assumption that you are making that the person is laughing without reason? Isn’t it the same when someone is crying too? Why should it be called bad manners or bad behavior, cowardice or weakness, or anything else? I have tried to understand these time and again. I am yet to find any answers.
I have been one of those people who rarely holds back my emotions. Be it anger, tears, frustration, relief or excitement. That said, I am not a whining creature. If I have to cry, I cry and get over it. I don’t dwell on the negative aspects of the situation for too long. The positive ones, on the other hand, are cherished for life. The times I have tried to control my emotions I have noticed that I haven’t “lived” those moments or haven’t enjoyed them as I should have. So I stopped bothering about controlling them a long time ago. When I am expressing myself I rarely concern myself about my surroundings – whether I am alone or not, whether anybody is watching me or not. Rather, it does not really matter. But at the same time I am aware of my surroundings. Nowhere is there a law not to express one’s emotions. And until such a time I shall continue to allow myself the freedom to do what makes me happy, light and cleanses my system of the negative energies. As long as no one else is being harmed or hindered because of what I am doing, I don’t think anyone else has a right to tell me exactly when, where and how to respond to a particular situation. When I laugh, I laugh without any control. When I cry, I cry without any control. If any of you wish to call me a cry baby or a dramebaaz, go ahead. What you call me is none of my business anyway.
Talking about babies, have you noticed a child express herself? When she is hungry, irritated, happy, sleepy? She laughs or cries without any care in the world. And once she has eaten her fill or her irritation is subsided, she goes back to being happy again. Does it matter to the child that she is crying in a crowded train or in the middle of the night? Why should it change as we grow older? If anything should change it is perhaps the decibel levels and nothing else.
So when do the tears come (yes, the tears “come”, I don’t “bring” them) exactly?
Well, for me, it comes for any and every reason that cannot be expressed by words. When I am angry beyond shouting, hurt beyond consoling, happy beyond words, relieved beyond gratitude…at those times my emotions flow without control. When I see that my friend is sad and I am totally helpless and I know that no amount of consoling would help, I cry. When someone shouts at me and holds me responsible for something I have not done, and I cannot shout back, the anger flows as tears. When I have done and keep doing things in my power and energy to make someone happy and that person takes it all for granted without even noticing it, there is frustration that no amount of consoling afterward will help but tears. When there is something I feared the most and the hurdle is overcome, there is relief, there is gratitude in my heart… and there are tears in my eyes. When a friend does as simple as gives me a patient ear when I am without any hope, or throws me a small surprise dinner on my birthday, there is immense happiness and a prayer of thanks to the power that be, for helping me find that friend. There is love that flows beyond words and a silent promise that goes with the tears that I be a friend as much as he/she has been, if not more. When my parents did the Kanyadaan there were tears uncontrollably flowing even then. Do you think I could put so many emotions that flow simultaneously with such force, into words? Do you think I would be wiser to keep them deep in my heart and not “live” the emotions?
I cry when I am watching movies and reading novels too. You would think it to be funny. But when I watch/read a movie/book and someone (animal or human immaterial) dies, I do not cry for the reason that someone died. I haven’t cried for certain real people who died in my vicinity. I cry for all the “life” that person had and the abrupt end the death brings to their hopes and dreams. I cry for the million people who die every minute with so much pain, so many dreams in them. I cry for those also who forget to live life when they are alive. The story onscreen maybe about the character but it is definitely not an isolated situation. I cry when I watch the blast footage on news channels. I cry for the helplessness, I cry for the survivors who loved those who died. I cry for their sadness. When I watch war movies, I cry for every soldier and their family who has had to stay away from their loved ones for so long… Their only dreams might have been to look at their parents, lover, wife, friend and child just one more time before they gave their life for the country. But the strength and determination to put the country above all else and give their life… I cry for them in pride.
When someone says something so thoughtful in a certain situation, when someone stands up for something/someone, when a baby smiles, when a mother cries, when the lovers meet, when the most cherished dream comes true, when a battle is fought, when someone is forced or bound to do something for another, when one consoles another with just a silent hug, when an animal loves you for no other reason but to love you, when some words/gestures touch you so deep…what can you possibly say? Isn’t it too beautiful to try and put them in words? Aren’t the feelings far too deep to try and pin a feeling on it? I let myself go and allow my feelings to feel it and express it any way they want. And if my feelings choose tears to express themselves, so be it.
We have been given so many emotions, so many feelings, so many situations in life to feel them all. And yet, we think controlling those emotions is a great victory. I would rather show my courage for far greater things than controlling my emotions. For me, a person who has the courage to express those emotions in any way he/she likes, or makes them feel “alive” is far more braver than others. When the tears are real, there are real emotions behind them. Those who fake it and/or use it for purposes such as blackmail or to hurt someone for no better a reason than to hurt are just misusing the value of tears.
Maybe for some of you controlling your emotions come easy. But if you are trying too hard to “control” it, you are definitely missing a slice of life, and the joy it brings to emote. If someone thinks that you are a dramebaaz by doing all that, well, what do you care. All that matter are your feelings, no other person could comprehend at any time what you are feeling. Sometimes there is more joy in letting go than there is in controlling something. Your emotions are one of them. Go on, live your life.